I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
