last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
