Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
