home. puking in laundry basket.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
