And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
