sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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