yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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