hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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