I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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