my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Sober January is a disaster.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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