Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
