when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
