Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
