Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
