So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
