Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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