3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
