So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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