I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
