Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
soo... how was my night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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