so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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