Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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