Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
