The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
