My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
