Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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