Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
