All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
