whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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