Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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