This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I sprained my soul last night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
