It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize