My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
