i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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