Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
