i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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