i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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