capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
