Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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