as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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