The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize