So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
