I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
