I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
