i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
