The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
