is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
