no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
