new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
