yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
