Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
