I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
