I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
