we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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