I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize