so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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