i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
