u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
