I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
