We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
