I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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