Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
