just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
