I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
