You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
