You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I accidentally burped into my bong.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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