thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
