how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
