u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
