I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
