she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
