lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
