u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
